What's in a career, anyway?

So last week I wrote about how I think my new job is not the right fit for me. The question is though: what would be a right fit for me?

When I originally started looking for work, things were pretty dire. I needed a job. It wasn't quite desperate, but I need to get some income rolling in (which I think is pretty normal really). I thought I had some time to look for something that was going to be ok, rather than rushing out and getting any kind of job just to make ends meet. I had a deadline in mind and I was anxiously wondering whether something would come through or if I should start visiting all the bars and cafes in my 'hood with my CV in hand.

Eventually something did come through and I was thrilled to think that I had finally done it. I had finally managed to get out of academia and still have a job at least loosely related to my professional experience rather than having to work for minimum wage. I thought I had navigated the career transition successfully.

As it turns out, changing careers is more tricky than it looks. Some people argue that with any career transition there is an inevitable drop in status, and that you have to start at the bottom all over again. Other people argue that this is not so, and that the secret to a successful career change is marketing your transferrable skills properly. Another factor too, is making sure you do your research and know what you're getting in to (something academically trained people shouldn't have too much problem with). Lots of people who have successfully changed careers say that planning is the key, and not jumping ship too soon (however, they all had jobs to begin with, just ones that they didn't like). And let's not forget all the literature that says changing careers is now becoming the norm, with very few people staying in the one occupation for life anymore. Apparently the average is something like 6 careers in a lifetime, although where this figure comes from is anyone's guess.

In leaving academia, with defined career paths, long-term goals, institutional rhythms, clear objectives and a very famililar structured environment, I now find I am struggling with how to find the same, shall we say, 'clarity of purpose' that I had as an academic. In short, I always knew exactly what I had to do to build my career. I knew what my professional goals were (not KPIs, they're different) and I knew exactly how to go about acheiving them. This is what I am missing in my current role.

While I am grateful that I have a job (let's face it, there are millions of people world-wide who don't), I know now that this is not a career. I also know that having a career is important to me. I have done my time punching a clock to make ends meet, working in retail, hospitality and other similar occupations where you're simply a body that can't be replaced by machines. I have always been good at work-life balance and have plenty of extra-curricular activities to keep me entertained, so I don't have any major personal goals that would benefit from focusing on non-work time. I also know that I don't need to panic about being able to find any work, since unemployment rates are not dire here and I was able to find work in a relatively short period of time. I don't want to do any more study as I am still paying off my years working towards my academic career, so retraining is out (for now, at any rate - I do still keep fantasazing about law school, but that's another story).

I guess this all means I am stuck with making the most of the position I am in, at least for a little while at any rate. Which is fine really. I will survive. But perhaps the take home message for anyone else making the transition from academic to post-academic is this: what is it that you need out of a job? I have observed that there are different styles of career changers - those that need to make ends meet and fast, those that want more free-time, those that don't want to relocate every year or so just for a job, and those that hate all things academic. I am in the category of someone who loves academic work but can't survive on an academic wage. This means that I need a challenging and fulfulling career to replace the academic one that is unsustainable. This is going to be my struggle as a post-academic, at least in the short-term. What is yours?

Status anxiety

It might just be me, but it seems like my status has dropped somewhat. Once upon a time, when I talked, people listened. They either responded in kind (if interested in the topic) or they suddenly found somewhere else more interesting to be (most academics will be familiar with that one). Now, I find that I am routinely criticised, put down, talked over and not listened to. In short, I am now supposed to be "the little woman".

Now that I am a nobody, nobody cares what I think, what I do or what I have to say. This is somewhat unnerving.

I am not super sensitive to people not wanting to talk to me because they'd rather talk amongst themselves, but I am used to people at least expressing some polite curiosity about my work, my life or my opinion of stuff when they do choose to talk to me or are forced to sit next to me at some dreary function.

I do also like to consider that my social skills are not that bad. I try to be inclusive, empathetic, interested, and non-judgemental. I invite people into conversations, I don't play with my phone while I am talking to them, and I listen to what they have to say. I am also reasonably good at picking up queues that they would rather be somewhere else or that they don't want to talk about certain things.

Given some of the behaviour I have witnessed recently, I think many of these skills are a product of my academic career. All those awkward conferences and seminars etc where you're forced to try and meet people while stuffing your face and carrrying an overly heavy handbag at the same time. Whereas I always thought I was terrible at it, apparently I have better networking skills than many. I did of course observe some appallingly boorish behaviour at conferences by esteemed Professors, but I had always just assumed they were the cliched "awkward academic". However, perhaps they were more normal than I realised.

In my current role, I have witnessed a range of obnoxious behaviours that I won't go into. Of course, not everyone is like that, and I must confess, my heart leaps with joy each time I find someone capable of conversing like a normal human being. I hope I can continue to meet with more normal people instead of feeling like I am being walked all over by a badly behaved (usually) male.

When I started writing this post, I was wondering if these experiences were related to not being widely known as "Dr" anymore (in that I don't have it on my email signature and try not to refer to once being an academic). Yet now that I am writing about it, maybe it's actually a function of the environment I am working in instead. I never used to think anything of being "Dr" and generally consider myself to be quite relaxed about status and heirarchy. I like to think that I treat everyone the same, whether they are a student or a very senior colleague, a friend, a child, or a stranger (obviously though, with varying degrees of intimacy and conversational topics). But now that I am not an academic, I do feel somewhat at a loss about "what" or "who" I am, and I think this is playing out in my perceptions about what's going on around me.

I also can't help but feel that my job is somewhat beneath me. Now that does make me sound a snob when I put it that way, but what I mean is that it really is very easy. I remember being somewhat bemused at my interview when they kept on insisting how difficult working in the organisation was, but all I kept thinking was "I am sure it can't be any harder than what I have been doing". And while originally I thought they were possibly breaking me in gently, I actually now think that the job is waaay too simple for someone used to what I have been doing.

I have also had a few pangs of regret too, about the other road not taken when I was offered another job in a different sector entirely just before Easter. Opting to stay where I was (the reasoning was, and still is, sound), a small part of me can't help but wonder if perhaps the other role would have, in fact, suited me better. The first few weeks in any job are completely overwhelming, so it's impossible to decide if the job is really ok for you or not, but now that I am less overwhelmed, I realise that I have given up a lot in making the transition out of academia.

The work itself is actually ok. It serves an important function and I get to focus on something that I feel strongly about. But in terms of challenges, well, I don't think there are any. Oh my colleagues will bitch about the challenges for hours on end, but what they see as challenges I just think of as details. Maybe it's too soon to tell. Maybe I will be sucked in to the nitty gritty and find the everyday as overwhelming as everyone else. Maybe I am missing something. But then again, maybe this job really is as simple as I think it is.

So I don't know what to do about all of this for now. Part of it is just learning to unwind and realising that I don't have to push myself 24/7 in order to pay the rent (novel experience for me).  Part of it too, is learning to recognise that having a PhD does in fact make me unique and that I should be looking for ways of building more challenging work opportunities for myself. At least having a job has allowed me to gain some perspective on the academic experience and recognising what skills I do have.  

On feeling ambivalent

I won't lie - some days I STILL wonder WTF I am doing with my life.

While most days are fine and good and I am learning new things, other days I am racked by the self-doubt and torture of a mind more used to working towards very long term goals. Despite the wonderous event of having the universe confirm that I am actually highly employable, every so often I find myself wondering: Is this it? Do I just do my job and go home at the end of the day and not think about it? What will my future hold? What else can I do? How do I know that I haven't made a terrible mistake? Am I "wasting" my PhD or am I building new skills?

Perhaps I need to acknowledge that ambivalance has always been a significant part of my life. For the entire PhD and post-doctoral years I was always wondering if I was doing the right thing. Sure, there have been very happy times when I have felt sure about what I was doing, but then other times when I questioned whether continuing in that path was a good thing. I was going to say that this ambivalence started well into my PhD, but then I had a flashback to my first six months and feeling bored and lonely and yearning for adventures instead. Sometimes now, in my darkest moments, I think, if only I knew then what I know now, I would have followed my instinct. Instead, I marshalled myself with cold hard discipline and worked hard to finish the damn thing. But then, other times (most of the time) I think, I have had really amazing opportunities to live the life that I had always dreamed of. It's just unfortunate that it didn't work out according to plan.

Once the thesis was done and dusted, as my  employment prospects lagged more and more, the ambivalence would grow until I had something else to do. At different times over the years I have had plans to break away from academic, but I was always sucked back in to the academic life for one more contract. This was always gainfully assisted by the fact that I was inevitably in the middle of retraining or I was only working casually. Whatever the contract, I happily chucked away all my alternative plans in order to feed the beast/return to the cult of academia. Twice I have deferred law school.

Yes, I know, everyone says that more school is not the answer to the postacademic transition. More debt, more studying, potentially just as insecure unemployment etc etc. So in my last period of ambivalence and unemployment, I said "no more school". No matter what. I focused on shanghaing my existing skill set into another role.

But now that I have navigated that tricky gap (ok, terrifyingly tortuous and uncertain time) between academic life and non-academic life, every so often, the ambitous, career-driven, soul-searcher in me that changed undergraduate programs twice, worked their arse off to get a scholarship for graduate school and would actually have a very successful academic career if only there were more jobs, interrupts my idyllic day-to-day existence to push me into thinking: where the f*ck is this going?

Some days it does make me a little disappointed to think that after all that time spent working towards my goals that I have now got an ordinary old job. While my new work colleagues are very impressed by how quickly I have come to grips with my job, I do also sometimes think, "well, I do have a PhD - WTF did you think I was going to do?" Of course, I don't say anything out loud. That would be rude. Not to mention make me sound like a total wanker.

So while I struggle with these occaisional days of feeling ambivalent, I keep trying to remind myself that one of the best things about being free from the academic trap is that my future is my own. It will be what I make it.

Non-academic work is fun. Mostly.

I missed my regular Friday posting (that discipline comes from being an academic and having to make myself do things that otherwise wouldn't get done), so I feel a bit out of kilter.

But I did just want to let all the post-academic job searchers out there know a little known fact - that not doing academic work is much better than you might think. I have read in many other comments/posts on other people's blogs/reflections (sorry, proper referencing is beyond me at this point) that there is a fear/misapprehnsion that if you have spent so much of your life dedicating yourself to the relentless pursuit of one topic that you always felt was your life passion, that nothing else can possibly be the same.

Well, obviously this is just another example of the totally deranged and narcisstic thinking that academic cultures need to prop them up. You can have a perfectly satisfactory job outside of academia that provides you with all the things you need to make you happy. Apart from a salary and a roof over your head that is. I mean, the things that you need to make your working life happy. Whatever they may be.

Another point that I think is important to mention too, is that your working life will in fact have a better quality to it because no-one is walking around thinking that what they are doing is a calling that they must suffer for or any of those other deranged things. They are normal, everyday people, who are thoughtful, capable, competent and articulate. They get things done and have fun weekends and interesting holidays. They take a proper lunch break and talk a load of crap about whatever they watched on TV/did on the weekend/something funny that happend to them, not more work.

Revolutionary.

Of course there are the boring parts too, like the colleague who doesn't pull their weight or the interminable meetings where nothing is resolved, but on the whole, the good FAR FAR FAR outweighs the bad.

So chin-up anyone who is feeling demoralised about career dreams not coming true, for you never, ever know what the future will hold. You may in fact realise that your true calling actually wasn't in academic after all. I think that the concept of 'flow' is important here (correct me if I am wrong, but was that Bourdieu on work?) - if you find something that engages you so thoroughly that you lose track of time then that's a sign that you have found your true vocation. So the theorist's say. I would also add, if you find something that you are good at without too much effort, but enough effort that you grow and are challenged to do your best, then you're probably on to a good thing. No grades or fear of failing or insecurities involved. Just the luxurious feeling of knowing that you're doing a good job and you're getting the rewards you deserve for it.

BTW - I can't recommend how much I LOVED Leslie Shimotakahara's The Reading List, from the blog of the same title: http://shimosreadinglist.blogspot.com.au/ I was so excited that it arrived in such short time all the way from Amazon Canada that I stayed up way past my bed time reading it as soon as it arrived. I felt woolly headed and exhausted for the first time at my new job, but it wasn't because I was up all night marking or working on a conference paper - it was because I was actually reading something for pleasure!

Now that my guitly secret is out - that I can't put a good book down even when I have to go to work in the morning - I can't wait for more late nights with my favourite writers. Another perk of non-academic work :)

decisions, decisions...

Not to brag or anything, but I have been offered another job.

When it rains it pours, as the saying goes.

It's nice to know that all that hard work writing applications etc has paid off, and I have been offered two equally good jobs in each of the areas I was targeting. One, kind of related in content to my research area; and the other, education focused, drawing more on my teaching experience.

So take heart career changers - this will happen to you one day too.

Luckily, many years of seeing friends go through retrenchment, unemployment and job searching had prepared me for the scenario in which I would be offered more than one job. For some reason, it seems that almost everyone I know who has made a serious effort to find a new job, has ended up agonising over a choice of between 2-4 offers at the same time. (4 is kind of extreme, I admit, but the person in question gives GREAT interviews. Seriously, they could run classes they're so good).

Anyway, so be prepared to make a tough call. And it is only you that can make that decision. For some, it might be job security, for others it might be career prestige. Alternatively, it might be a choice between companies, or a chocie about benefits. Location and accessibility are also high up on the list too. Do you want to be able to get home quickly or do you not mind commuting?

But the best part is - it really doesn't matter. For all the people I have seen agonise about the decision, I know that once they've made the decision they've never looked back. Ultimately though, the best part about not being an academic, is that you can change your mind again further down the track. Sure, you have to write a heap more applications and go through the whole job search process again, but hey, once you've been offered one or more jobs, you know you will get another one too.

That much definitely is not true of the academic track, that's for sure.

So which choice will I make? I don't know yet, I am still deciding. But really, who cares in the end? I am not making a committment to move to some awful town in the middle of nowhere to work with colleagues I might end up hating in a desperate bid to secure tenure in 5-7 years that might never happen in any case. I am simply making a decision about which job I think will be best for me given my circumstances right now. I am not obliged to accept either job, and at any point I can move on to something else without my colleagues feeling like I've stabbed them in the back, regardless of which job I end up with.

How refreshing.

this blog needs a new title...

I wasn't planning on posting anything today, but since I clearly have time to write comments on other people's posts then I have time to write my own post too.

Week Two at work now. So obviously I am no longer unemployed. I have even received my first pay  cheque (Yesss!) and begun plotting all the fun ways that I can spend it. Theatre tickets, restaurants, new clothes, more books (for fun, not research). You know, all the things that you tell yourself you can't have because you're on a very strict budget. I am so innured to not spending money though, that so far I have only gotten as far as a new pair of sunglasses, adult beverages and a fancy meal out to celebrate my amazing luck success. Maybe this weekend I will be able to, gasp, go out!

hooly dooly. I am getting waaay ahead of myself.

I don't really have much to say. I don't mean to make anyone jealous at my new exotic life or anything. (I work for a not-for-profit, so I am hardly earning the big bucks either). But it does feel good to do something somewhat complex (yet simultaneously quite straightforward), that does require intellectual labour, utilises some of the skills I developed while I was an academic, and is doing something good for the community. My issues with the whiteness of the place that I mentioned last week aside, it is a good organisation that produces positive outcomes. And now I get to play a part in that. And get paid for it too. That's a pretty good outcome in my book.

I have been thinking too about what not being an academic anymore means too. And you know what: it means F*** All. Just like that, all those years of labouring under the weight of producing all those research outputs, diligently networking my arse off and listening to some old codger drone on about how terrible students are in committee meetings don't actually mean anything to me anymore. I am free from the tyranny of the academic calender (YESS! I can now book holidays when I want, not to fit in around teaching and conference schedules).

But more than that, I am free. I still have the majority of my working life ahead of me. And now I am free to decide what I want to do with it. Given that I am still turning down invites to interviews for jobs I applied for before starting my current one, I am not stressed about being on the job market again. The simple fact of getting one job means that I now know that when the time comes to move on, I will get another one. (note how different this is from the academic threat - that if you don't take ANY job, you will never get another chance?)

For now though, I am going to relax. 

My first week at work

Phew. What a week.

It's been very up and down I must say, but on the whole, ok. I accomplised things easily, got a lot done, and at no point have I felt obliged to worry about things that are not my responsibility. Ok, I lie about the last point - it's a very complex organisation that everyone seems to think is a highly challenging and stressful environment and keep giving my lots of extraneous information that has no relation to my job. But for me, my new workplace doesn't hold a candle to the nuances of academia. So far at least (I think they are breaking me in gently...).

Perhaps the wierdest part of the whole experience has been that I don't know what my professional identity is any more. Sure, I know what my job is, and that's all fine. But when I had to fill out a form outside of work that wanted my 'occupation', I had no idea what to put. So I left it blank.

Then there is the whole business of staff development. Not that anyone has broached that topic with me yet, but I was idly wondering what the hell I want the next step to be. Week 1 and I am all over my job already. Perfectly straightforward. I am just worried that it is actually too easy for me. I know the really hard parts are yet to come, but I don't think they will be as complex as everyone is making them out to be. I think it's just what they perceive to be the hard parts of the job are actually where all those years in academia will have given me far more patience and resilience for certain aspects of the job than my colleagues who can do amazing things in other areas.

And you know what else? all those surveys and studies of gender at work and women's careers etc etc etc etc etc etc ad nasuem (although I do find them interesting) are TRUE! (I don't know why the data didn't sink in, I guess I felt I was lucky that my workplaces had never been like that). I had no idea just how true until this week. Same goes for race and ethnicity. I can't remember the last time I saw so many white people in one place! Scary. Let this be a note to myself to actually be myself at interviews instead of the conservative persona that you are advised to be in advice books and columns.

Flexible hours is a myth too. Everyone is in there at sparrow's fart. Except me. I saunter in and everyone is frantically typing away. I do my requisite hours of course, but it still seems like everyone else is doing more than that. Oh, and they weren't happy with me doing any volunteer work either, even though I explained how I would still do my requisite hours and they don't actually have any rules about core hourse. Another myth dispelled there.

Speaking of typing, what's with emailing a meeting request when the person concerned is sitting next to you in an open plan office? Is this some special office thing? Is there a no speaking rule? I am used to far more informality about these things. If you want to meet someone, then you go and find them or ring them up. If they are right next to you then you ask them if they have a minute at a mutually conveninent time. I am not used to this frantic emailing.

So anyway, how did I get to this point in my life? I attended seminars, I networked, I read blogs (and reflected on feedback from mine), I thought about my values in life, I volunteered and I went to the library. And here is what I did:
1. I wrote a list of my skill set and thought about what I really liked best.
2. I reflected on whether a new role in the same industry or a similar role in a different industry was what I wanted to do.
3. I started to improve my skill set (writing resumes and interview practice)
4. I started volunteering in the sector that I was most interested in.
5. I cranked out those applications.

And what did these exercises show?
1. That my values were not aligned with being in academia
2. That I have an excellent skill set around education/research
3. That I could improve my resume and interview techniques
4. That I needed my volunteering activities to reflect my values
5. That it is hard work getting a new job

And how did I get a job?
1. My skill set, my values, my non-academic background and my committment to volunteering were what got me across the line. Once I honed down how I was transitioning from one role in one sector, to a similar role in another sector, the interview requests started stacking up. I did three in two weeks before accepting my job and have been offered three this week after starting.

As James from Sell Out Your Soul frequently writes, wishing and applying for jobs you think you can do are not going to get you a job. You need to have a plan of action.